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Reflection

Author's Statement

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Bad Apple Wars Spoilers I took a bit of an introspective look into Alma’s perspective and tried to capture a more detailed image of his thoughts during the route. I hope it’s well received.

Looking back on it, Alma never really thought much of his youth. Most of it was all bitter memories that he’d rather burn to nothing. In fact, there were times he pondered and entertained the idea of memory exchange-- trading in bitter memories to forget in order to let the blissful ones last longer, so as to not forget them. If only that could have been true; his head would only be filled with the idea of her.


People die. That was an indisputable fact of life, and Alma had despised it for the longest time. Whether it be from old age, or an incurable disease from childhood, everyone will eventually reach the full extent of their life. The only way he found solace in her death was fighting back what came along with death-- forgetting the pain of it all. Alma thought he could never forgive himself if anything was forgotten; it was his form of repentance.
But nothing would have been solved that way.


He knew that staying frozen in time the way he was in his youth would do nothing to help himself. As much as he loved her, treasured her, Alma knew now if she saw him that way, she’d be upset. Would she despise him for being a coward, or perhaps feel guilty herself for not being healthier? God, he hoped it was only the first of the two. Anything to relieve his conscience.


Back then he was a glutton for punishment. He would resort to even the worst kinds of acts if it in some way meant he was receiving his comeuppance. Nothing would bring her back, however. When he had realized that, Alma decided there was no other way to pay for his sins.
The quick rush of cool air against his cheeks were a bit of a comfort blanket for him.


It was a punch straight to the gut when he realized his convictions weren’t enough to pay her back. Instead, he had another chance to come back to life. Slowly and surely, more and more people surrounded him, and he wanted them all to be given another chance. Was that all just another form of repentance? As long as he could do right by someone, that was all that mattered.


Then she joined the fray. Alma was almost taken aback by how Rinka could be so untouched. He reminisced in their conversations.


“I’m dull,” she would lament over her lack of totem and purpose.


It hurt to see her feel so downtrodden over something that was never even a flaw in the first place. In fact, it was something to be celebrated.


“You’re special, Rinka, in a way that’s never been seen before. You can see what others don’t, and you can say the most perfect things at the most perfect time,” He would always reply in that same fashion whenever she doubted herself.


It wasn’t a lie either, as he had been a first-hand witness to her unseen abilities. She allowed him to move on from his choices. She allowed him to free him from his own cage, and forgive himself. Whether it was done on purpose by God, Alma was so thankful for Rinka, and being able to see her through Rinka once more.


It was a tad scary for him initially, when he had realized the truth of her existence. He loved Rinka for saving him, and for showing him the right path, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he feared he loved her for her, and not her. Yet, the more he pondered, he realized they were nothing alike, in the best way possible. He loved her for how much of a romanticist she was and that she was coming up with the strangest ideas about fate and life. He loved Rinka for her forwardness, that she was willing to take part in anything that would contribute to success, that she trusted him from day one. It came to realization. He loved both her and Rinka. Those facts would never change. And because of her, he was able to meet Rinka, the girl who would become the most important existence in his life.


It was rough in the beginning, meeting her again after all those years. He knew there was going to be a difference in age, but was always unsure as to how large it would be. He counts himself as lucky though as it could have turned out much worse than this. Alma vowed he would never touch a hair on her body until she graduated high school, and kept to his word. She was cute whenever she stopped by, and cheekily asked if it was okay to kiss just a bit. That impish cuteness of hers was as endearing as it was dangerous. But he wasn’t about to become That Idiot Pedophile Doctor Who Got Arrested. In addition, that would affect her life, and he would not stand for that.


Once she graduated, he moved as quickly as reality would allow him to. The toughest part was her parents. It took a while to convince them; there was a time where Rinka wasn’t allowed to see him. Gifts, promises of a stable household, various monologues would eventually assist in gaining their trust. There was one line Alma spoke that he hoped reached them as true and clear.


“I can only hope to give back a fraction of what Rinka has given to me.”

 

 


“Alma--!”


He almost forgot where he was. Alma followed her voice, and stumbled upon his wife in a patch of lycoris. The red spider lilies contrasted well against her snow-white dress, marking her as the lone white, unstained flower as she always was.


“You were so slow, I left you behind!” she called out. “Is your age already getting to you~?”


Alma scoffed at her remarks. “You better take that back, you darn whippersnapper...!”


He reached Rinka in due time and caught her hands in his own. The hands of someone so small seemed to envelop his entire being. He twisted the ring on her left hand thoughtfully, inciting a giggle from Rinka.


“Hm? What’s so funny?”


“I’m just reminiscing on things, like when we first broke the news to my parents,” she spoke wistfully, eyes closed as she leaned back into his chest.
“Oh, don’t remind me,” He groaned, leaning his head into her hair for comfort.


“Hehe...! And also…” Rinka started once more, “when we were in that school…”


“Oh...?”


“It was awful there, wasn’t it? But, I don’t regret it one bit.” She released his hands and turned towards him, surprising the raven-haired man. A peaceful smile rested on her lips. “I was able to grow, and meet you, and isn’t that a miracle?”


Alma closed his eyes and let out a soft laugh, “More than you’ll ever know.”

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They shared a kiss, and he took comfort in her being.


“I love you, Alma.”


“I love you too, Rinka. Thank you for being born.”
 

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